Death is hardest for the living

 “Death is hardest for the living” I have heard that expression more times than I can count, unfortunately when it hits close to home you feel so many emotions that you otherwise wouldn’t feel for a stranger. Yes, you feel empathetic but secretly your praying a sigh of relief that states “Thank God it’s not happening to my loved ones” I followed that old saying “Out of sight, Out of mind” to the letter and I was relieved that I didn’t need to deal with it.

Unfortunately, I’m dealing with a family member who was given the diagnosis of Stage 4 Lung cancer and he has only a month or two longer to live. Once I heard that, my world was shattered. My world suddenly turned dark and depressing and very real. 

My son’s are completely devastated that their only Grandfather, will be departing from this world soon. As a Mom, I wish I could take away the burden of their pain. My oldest, realizes that Grandpa won’t see him graduate from high school or watch him play college football next year. My youngest realizes that he will miss out on many of the same things. 

For myself, it brings back memories of losing my own father. I still have not recovered and I always felt a piece of me died as well. 

I’m so grateful to be in a program of recovery, because I know that getting news like this would send me on a collision course to the nearest liquor store in my quest to try to numb the pain.

Today, I know that I need to safeguard my sobriety at all cost, and so thankful my Creator allows me to live life on life’s terms, one day at a time. Despite the sadness within my family we can cherish the amazing memories that this wonderful man shared with us so I’ve learned it’s okay to mourn in order to heal. 

I’m so blessed that my Creator loves me despite all my character defects and flaws and I know one day I will get to see him again. 

So yes, today I believe that ” Death is hardest for the living ” I don’t want to say Goodbye yet. However, I know  soon he’ll be in God’s hands and heaven will gain another angel.

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